superslackings

So, I was reading this article at the Temple (www.totse.com), which was a survival guide for the U.S. military, because I am crazy and I think the world is going to crash down around us here pretty much any day now and have been for about three years (which means I'm probably wrong but fuck you, yo).

I came to the section on stress, and instead of listing the negative consequences of stress it listed common sympomatic behaviors such as irritability, fatigue, depression, etc. I matched most if not all of the criteria and so it is logical to conclude that I am stressed out.

The question is, about what?

Life is good right now. Kerry and I are getting married--good thing. I have a stable, steady job now that pays excellently--good thing. My time off is filled with fun and friends--good thing. Why am I stressed, then? I mean, my job can be pretty stressful but I'm very good about leaving work at work, and obviously there's the hundred little things that everyone has to deal with every day but obviously people deal with them. Am I just high strung?

Let's talk about the end of the world. Some say it will end in fire, some say in ice, I say it will end in fiscal irresponsibility. Recently, with the failure of one of America's largest mortgage lenders and Fannie and Freddie having to get officially bailed out by the guv'ment, I think what we're seeing is what happens when you build a long-term financial system that works on currency that is mostly conceptual, not to mention a lot of shady, profit-now-who-gives-a-shit-about-next-decade dealings.

I honestly find myself hoping that all this comes to pass. I hope the American system of banking and credit collapses, I hope that there are looting and riots and anarchy, but probably only so I can feel justified in preparing for it.

Because otherwise I'm crazy.

And I guess I'm crazy for wanting it to happen in the first place.

So, I'm crazy, then.

"Do you want me to be fucking retarded?"

BLAGHLAGLAGHL SUSASN.

Hey all. Busy busy busy week this shall be. There has been a slight change of plans, my great-grandma Scherer died (I met her once) and they want me at the funeral. In Wisconsin. So, for those who are interested in catching me in Keller (and of course to help myself remember all this crap), here is my holiday itinerary:

Today (before noon?):
Finish packing for the week
Gas up the vehicle
Deposit Kerry's check

ETA in Keller 3-5pm

Today in Keller:
Try on suit
Find replacement funeral clothes if it doesn't fit
Pack for two days
In bed by 9pm

Saturday:
Rise and shine @ 4am
Don suit
Drive to airport, leave car in overnight parking
Get plane ticket
Flight departs at 6:40am, DFW to Chicago O'Hare
Switch planes at O'Hare
Flight departs at 10:30am, Chicago O'Hare to Madison
ETA in Madison 11:30am
Picked up, drive to Juno
Church services @ noon, burial @ 2pm
Wake, visit family, yadda yadda yadda

Sunday:
More family stuff
Flight departs at 7:20pm, Madison to Chicago O'Hare
Switch planes at O'Hare
Flight departs at 9pm, Chicago O'Hare to DFW
ETA at DFW 11:25pm
Retrieve car from overnight parking
Go home
Sleep

Monday, Christmas Eve:
Unscheduled!
Probably family stuff later in the evening

Tuesday, Christmas Day:
Christmas, duh.
Probably family stuff (though if my family wants to visit the Bells I'll have the day free because there is no way in hell that I'm going back to that pit of redneck awkwardness)
Unscheduled

Wednesday-Friday:
Oklahoma
Return Friday night

Saturday:
Goodbyes and farewells
Leave for Austin by noon
Maybe Rocky at Anderson Lane Alamo Drafthouse

So there it is. If you wanna hang out you've got tonight before 9:00pm, maybe Monday, Friday night and Saturday morning.

Happy Holidays.

I love you Kerry.

Wow. 39 weeks since my last post. Awesome. Nothing has changed, really. Kerry and I are still together. I'm still in school. I'm still crazy, though admittedly less so with Kerry's influence. We moved. The new apartment is much better. I've finally locked into a major--psychology, because I enjoy it and am fairly good at it. Considering graduate school.

I find myself increasingly frustrated recently. Just... things. Little things. The cats puking and peeing. Video games. Innocuous things people say and do. All of them just crack the dam a little bit more but of course I never show it. I think that's probably the most dangerous part--the fact that all of it, every ounce, never sees the light of day and becomes internalized.

I wish I could sleep like I used to. Now it seems I wake up before seven whether I like it or not and more often than not with a tension headache. Maybe it's the weather change or something, but that certainly does not help my ability to deal with frustration.

I miss Eric. Now that I've quit his game I never see him ever and that depresses me. I also miss Matt and Robson, come to think of it, but Matt just needs to get his ass down here along with everyone else.

It's so weird. Growing up is just... bizarre. Sometimes I really, really miss high school, back when nothing really mattered. There was no opportunity cost for anything you did, really. You could slack about all day and as long as you could swing decent grades there were no real repercussions. Now it seems that every hour is another missed opportunity, and that mentality + a 360 + Dead Rising + me and my zombie love is a bad combination. Man that game is awesome.

And frustrating too.

Kind of like most things in life.

Night.

So.

Life.

We got cats.

I'm getting her the tattoo she's been wanting.

I'm liking my job.

I'm liking my classes.

Minor stressouts still occur, but she mitigates them. I need her like the daisies need the sunshine.

Minor pregnancy scare. No pregnancy.

Came up with a career choice. Witnessed that career in action. Decided against it. Adrift on the waves future-wise again.

Discovered Ebay. Put a quick clamp on Ebay addiction, but not before I got DDRMax 1 and 2 and six sets of dice and a copy of the Forgotten Realms campaign setting. Sweet.

Becoming addicted to D&D. Addiction is not as fun as I thought it'd be, since you can't go down to the baggily-dressed youth on the corner and pick up a bag of cheap gaming for a twenty-spot, I have to wait til Friday/Sunday for my fix.

Happy that Kerry will be going up and seeing all her friends and having a blast. Sad that Kerry will be going up and leaving me here. :(

Discovering the joy of programming in html.

Uh.

Yeah.

Peace.

We got Silent Hill, the movie, for Christmas, which is ironic. Anna, the stupid puritan ginger kid, is retarded. Not "I don't like her character/as an actor" retarded, but I think she really is retarded. She speaks too slowly (and I'm from Texas, we talk slow here), and with something that could be regarded as a "slawl", a slur-drawl but not quite either, and oh, let's not forget the half-lisp: "Theeee eeellllderssth of mah eeellldersthh buuurning the witchethh stopped the apocalysth." All that's missing is the lumpy forehead and "almond eyes". Retarded ginger kids aside (or is that redundant? INCINERATION! I AM THE INSULT MASTER!), this is still a good movie.

I'm nervous about hosting D&D today. I don't think Luis cares, but Pete's house is always spic and span; I don't know whether it's because he cleans before we come over, or because he's an uber-clean person. My house is not spic-and-span, but I'm working on it. I hope we get a fucking level, for god's sake, it's been more than a month and I've gained and lost more bloodline than the rest of the party combined. I'm like the Motley Crue of adventurers (obscure Rolling Stone Magazine/America: The Book references for the win). NEEDS MORE SPELLS DAMNIT.

I love Kerry more than life itself. I would gladly die ten times over for every day we have together. I wonder if you can omit the "til death do us part" from your wedding vows, because I think the afterlife would be pretty bitchin' with her too.

It's true. America has died... at least, the American spirit. True patriotism.

It's funny how like 90% of Americans don't want this war anymore, and yet:

http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/rss/topstories/*http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061221/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_iraq

Oh, and of course let's not forget http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/rss/topstories/*http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061221/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/iraq_spending

AMERICA DOES NOT WANT THIS WAR. THE AMERICAN PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN, BUT OUR GOVERNMENT DOES NOT LISTEN.

THE GOVERNMENT EXISTS TO EXECUTE THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

YOUR GOVERNMENT DOES NOT LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

In other news, I kinda sorta passed Chem with a D. Good for completion rate, bad for GPA. I am now on academic probation. Damnit.

Hm.

Life's been good for the most part since my last post. Kerry and I are doing great, and that's something I am ever-thankful for; I realize how lucky I am to have her, and to have such an awesome life with her.

I'm scared about school. This last semester has been like a boxing match, kind of: the classes and I have been sparring, each tagging each other a lot, and neither of us got KOd or TKOd, so now we're anxiously waiting for the points to be tallied. I'm not too worried about Criminology, and I didn't even have to take the Psychology final, but Chem... oh boy, Chem. That's the big'un. If I pass the test with a 71 or above, I pass the class, hooray. If I don't, I fail, and I don't know what happens then because of some weird completion rate issue: I could just be put on academic probation and have to take eighteen hours next semester, or I could have my financial aid revoked, or any number of other bad things. Nervous whimpering.

D&D is fun. I know not everyone who reads my journal plays/knows about D&D, and even less know specifics about the campaign I'm currently in, but I can say this: I got my arm back (I lost it to a flesh-eating bacteria-ish trap), and stopped being a greedy, power-hungry, maniacal wizard, climbing back up on the path of benevolence and honor. I'm pleased about my character's future. Plus, Eric's new game will be starting soon and I'm very eager for its commencement. I hopefully meet two of my fellow players tomorrow; they're new to the game and Eric and I are just meeting them in person, so it should be cool.

Ummmmmmm what else. I have the best job in the world. I answer phones and listen to music, occasionally doing audits or handing out keys, for over ten bucks an hour. Of course, when the need arises I can spring into action as a full Agent. We actually had our first potential heart attack at the new IKEA I work at. I got a call on the emergency phone from the cafe... the lady was panicking, claiming that some guy was having a heart attack, so I grab the first aid bag and AED, yell something into the radio, and sprint the width of the store in less than fifteen seconds.

Very anticlimactic. The guy is an older Indian gentleman, sitting there, conscious, breathing, very calm. His wife was freaking out, though. Turns out he had heart surgery a few years back, and he felt lightheaded, had some blurred vision, felt his pulse drop, etc, so he told his wife and took his nitroglycerin. His wife, also Indian, flipped out and started telling the bistro lady. The bistro lady is an ignorant piece of trailer trash, so all she heard was "husband" and "heart" ("I counnit understaind a werd she wuz sayin'!") before panicked and started yelling for LP to get down there. We called EMS anyways, they arrived lickety split and took the gentleman to a medical facility just in case.

Hm, what else. Finances are doing... okay. We're staying afloat, even with the christmas season, so that's good.

I had my first ascension on Kingdom of Loathing this morning, so that's bitchin. If you have no idea what I'm talking about go to www.kingdomofloathing.com and see for yourself... it's really fun in a quirky sort of way. If you're a geek/nerd/dork who can make fun of yourself you'll love it.

Alright. Later kiddos.

PS oh and I'm not crazy anymore. I've finally (with a lot of help from Kerry and the relief of having a job that keeps me busy and pays well) gotten rid of (for the most part) my... more violent urges. Psychotherapy is bullshit, I'll never trust another shrink again. As soon as she told me I was bipolar I started getting worse, and then all the other lady wanted to do was ship me off to another doctor so he could drug me up. Rock on.